


To Make Him Smile

by lockewrites



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockewrites/pseuds/lockewrites
Summary: Feelings are bullshit. Which is why you figure that the best thing you can do is not tell Hotch yours.





	To Make Him Smile

He was happy and that’s what should matter. But it didn’t because he was happy with her and not with you. Hotch had been with Beth for a few months now and it hurt anytime you saw them together, or heard him speaking with her on the phone. Even if he was your boss and it would most likely be a problem with HR, you wanted to be with him, not her. After all he had been your friend before he was your boss, so who could know him better. You had been by his side after Haley’s death, had taken care of Jack, had been there when he needed someone to talk to. But she had taken control of all that now. Jealousy was taking over and the one way you thought to stop it, was to avoid Hotch and Jack all together.

It had started off simple, staying after Hotch had left so you could do more paperwork instead of leave with him like usual. Making excuses to get out of going over to his house for dinner came next. He knew you were lying and you knew it too. It’s not easy keeping things from a profiler. Eventually you started to avoid both him and Jack altogether. Barely conversing with him at work unless it was about a case, sitting away from him on the plane, anything to keep from having your feelings interfere with your work.

It hurt him almost as much as it hurt you, and you knew it. The way he stared when leaving the building at night, the way he always tried to include you in anything Jack did. Jack often asked his father why you weren’t around anymore. Hotch didn’t have an answer for his son, and that hurt him as much as your avoidance did. He knew you were making excuses, didn’t know why, but he hoped you’d tell him yourself. After all, he was your friend wasn’t he.

After months of avoidance, both you and Hotch couldn’t take it anymore. Even if he was with Beth you needed to tell him how you felt, better to be a part of his life as a friend than not a part of his life at all. Hotch, on the other hand, needed you to understand that he cared, that whatever was going on in your life you could trust him, so he called you into his office.

Shifting your weight from foot to foot, staring at him sitting behind his desk, you wondered if he had found out. But how could he, you’d never told anyone how you felt about him.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, but I’ve got a good reason I swear” you spoke first, wanting to explain yourself before he could tell you some news about he and Beth.

“You should be” came his reply, all stern and solemn. “I’m your friend and whatever it is that you’ve been hiding is probably something I could help you with if you’d let me”

“That’s just it, you can’t help me. Not with this.”

He questioned you, needing to know the truth “Why not, what’s the reason for you avoiding me then?”

“Beth” There it was. The truth was out in the open now, let him do what he wished with it.

Hotch thought he hadn’t heard you properly “Beth? What about Beth? I thought you liked her.”

“I do like her Aaron, she’s great and she makes you happy and that’s the point. She makes you happy in the way that I want to make you happy. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt anytime I see you smile because you’re talking with her. I didn’t want our friendship to ruin your relationship so I thought avoiding you would be the better option.”

Hotch let your words sink in, preparing a response but terrifying you with his silence so you began rambling. “Look I know you don’t see me as more than a friend, and we can forget this ever happened, and I’ll”

“Beth and I broke up” he interrupted. You felt the same way about him as he did about you and for him, that was a little overwhelming.

“But why, I thought you were happy with her”

“I was but she had a job offer in Hong Kong, I told her to take it. I also told her that even if she stayed our relationship was over.”

“What changed?” you needed to know. Was there someone else?

“I realized, while you were avoiding me, that maybe your friendship with me is more important than I thought.”

“Okay, the way I’m hearing that is probably not the way you meant it but continue”

“I love you” There it was. Out in the open, Hotch just hoped he hadn’t screwed everything up already.

Stunned you didn’t know what to say. Alright that was a lie, you knew what to say, exactly what to say but the words weren’t coming out. You probably looked like an idiot just standing there staring. And then you leaned over the desk and kissed him. It was the only thing you could think to do at the moment but then he was kissing you back.

You pulled away “I love you too, so what do you say about dinner Friday night, if we don’t have a case of course.”

“Yeah, I think that could work,” Hotch smiled, and this time it was definitely for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr at locke-writes.


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